THE GLUNKERWUNK, A Fairy Tale

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THE GLUNKERWUNK, A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a noble prince. He really enjoyed saving princesses. He saved them all day long, in this land and that. Then one day a dark cloud appeared over the prince’s land. It clouded all that was good and he was no longer able to see what princesses to save. He grew sad and bored. He wished for his passion to return.

 

Then one day a mysterious beast appeared. The Glunkerwunk. He GLUNKED, then WUNKED, then GLUNKERWUNKED through the castle gates. The Glunkerwunk told the prince that if he could look inside and see himself for what he truly was then he could lift the curse from his kingdom. The prince laughed. He did not believe him for he was arrogant and saw himself without flaw. So the Glunkerwunk left and the kingdom was sad.

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Drunken Art Reviews

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Drunken Art Reviews

When we're bored we'll throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.

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A Quick Burst Of Rage

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Art by Meg Litter

Art by Meg Litter

I fucking hate ordering fast food.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never got an order correct. EVER!!!!!!!! I have lived here my entire life and that’s a long time for them to get my McChicken “plain” down. No mayo, no lettuce. Fuck you.

I just went to Burger King and got a 10 piece McNugget…..sorry, regular nugget and asked for sweet and sour sauce and they gave me two honey-mustards. GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT!!!! You stupid motherfuckers. Do you know how much I hate honey-mustard? You must be doing this shit on fucking purpose because you execute it so perfectly. It’d be different if I got an extra milkshake or the coveted curly fry among the regs. But no. You leave out a taco or give me FUCKING HONEY-MUSTARD!!!!!

I know what you’re thinking. I like honey-mustard. Fuck you. I hate it. I hate ranch too. Regular honey, ketchup, barbeque, sweet and sour! That’s how I role. Fuck ranch. And why can’t I walk through the drive-thru?  You think you’re better than me cuz you have a car?! Every fucking time they leave something out. And I’m too fucking stoned or drunk and I sit on it and say, “Oh well, this is the norm.”.  And fuck, it is the norm. I want my fucking order to be correct for once.

This is horseshit.