The Confessions of a Former Sub by Martine Du Sade

My name is Martine Du Sade and I am a sub. I’ve been a sub for approximately six years and Kill Pretty has asked me to write about my experiences. First things first, let us start at the beginning and dispel some ugly rumors. You don’t just become one. Someone does not just approach you in Starbucks and say, “Hey you look like the type of person who likes to be spanked, choked and ordered to do cock worship, how about it? By the way is this your caramel macchiato?”

I’d like to thank 50 Shades Of G(r)ay for this misconception. Many people in the lifestyle hate this book, not just because it is poorly written, poorly constructed and for the whirlwind of clichés that even Days of our Lives would not touch with a barge pole. But also because many people think it’s a true representation of Dominant/Subordinate relationships as a whole. Actually the book is more in tune with domestic violence and mindfuckery of a dysfunctional relationship. He is actually a control freak with Mommy issues and a borderline Patrick Bateman complex. She is naïve as Jane Eyre, if Jane Eyre was lobotomized and given a personality transplant to that of a potato-but I digress.

Contracts are NEVER used, also a fucking NDA, why would someone want to disclose (this is an example) to their future boss: “Oh, and in my personal time I like to be locked in a cage, naked with only a collar on, while a vibrating butt plug is shoved up my ass. I start Monday? Fantastic!”

Also very few people can afford Red Rums, sorry to use A Stephen King “The Shining” reference but all of the talk of Red Rooms (my eyes are rolling in my head like a pair of dice by now) only made me think of the little boy with the finger saying “Red Rum, Red Rum”. It’s not uncommon for a normal person to own sex toys, a plug here, a vibe there. Otherwise for the thrifty Sub/Dom duo it’s basic ingenuity; scarfs are used as blindfolds and belts as whips, like they did in the olden days, before the interwebs, cell phones and the medicine to cure syphilis.

Unless you go to a fetish club and participate in electrical play, suspension and general sensory depravity you are not going to have the 50 Shades of G(r)ay experience. Also since 2011, when this piece of shit was published, The Consumer Product Safety Commission reported an 83% rise in hospital visits that required object removal. Either some people don’t know how to fucking safe-word or have taken so many whippets they think there asshole is a Stretch Armstrong.

Thus going back to my first point, you don’t just dive in to this lifestyle, like all good things in life, it’s a journey. Some people are naturally subordinate, myself for example: I always liked rules and routine even as an adult, I like to push myself but know my limits, I have a high pain threshold, I was spanked as a child and find it a subsequent release, also I am petite, brunette and cute (to some people, not just my mother.)  

I lost my virginity quite late at 18 but even then I was in an embryonic stage of subordination. I was asked things of me and I followed compliantly. An ex asked me to take off my underpants and walk up some stairs, I did it and then later he fucked me against a tree in a park, it made me feel alive and free for the first time in a long time. I thought this is how Pocahontas must’ve felt in the woods. Before evil Spaniards took her land, made her a child bride and dying from smallpox, then Disney raping her life’s story and making her marketable.   

As thrilling and different, that act was one of the first acts of subordination. Throughout college I flirted with these ideas, unknowingly, I always enjoyed: being tied up, being spanked (always asking for harder, pushing my limits), choked, having my hair pulled, being forced to deep throat etc. By the end of college I was listless searching for an answer, some friends were getting apartments, getting jobs and getting married whereas I hadn’t figured it out. My mental health suffered and then I had a nervous breakdown and went back to a primitive state. My mother told me when to eat, sleep and shower. Around that time I met my first Dom, a guy I went to university with. He always fancied me and never told me of his predisposition, it started light, just sex and blindfolds. It then got heavier with deep throating, choking, being tied up and asking for permission for certain sexual aspects (like being allowed to cum). I then moved to America the land of opportunity and it turns out depravity (Seriously I think Yanks are more sexually depraved than people from my country).  

I have been asked to do several disgusting, entertaining and hilarious things upon entering the world as a sub. From which I have now retired, like anything highly strenuous you have to take breaks from the lifestyle. I have retired in the aspect that Michael Jordan retired, meaning I would probably come out of retirement a billion more times, then do a movie with Bugs Bunny and Bill Murray (why Bill WHY!) But I will tell you a new tale of awkwardness and sexual exploitation/exploration.

Lovingly bruised

Martine Du Sade x