Terrible Fucking Advice With Murdock St. James
/Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a text message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.
Only use the terms “mommy” and “daddy” sparingly, specifically when you’re fucking your mommy or your daddy.
Refer to your underwear as “the place where boners sleep.”
The TSA can’t get mad at you for fucking in airport if you do it in the X-Ray scanner.
It’s technically cyber sex if you leave your laptop on your bed while you get weird.
Put your girlfriend in a rubber mask. Then put yourself in a rubber mask. Then put your mother in a rubber mask. And then have sex I guess.
Refer to your bedroom as the “fuck palace” or “boner world” if you never want to have sex again.
Twisting your penis up with three or more penises is what’s known as a “Vine Compilation.”
Twisting your penis up with three or more penises belonging to guys named Vince is what’s known as a “Vince Compilation.”
If their SAT scores are below 700 then don’t fuck them. Is that low? High? I actually haven’t taken the SATs.
Eat a peach after sex if you want to get covered in even more juice.
