Are we still doing this? By “this,” I mean Star Wars. It’s been almost 50 years since Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Orb with the help of a friendly old man ghost before smooching his sister, and somehow audiences are still foaming at the mouth for another war in the stars. Can’t we just give (star) peace a chance?
Read MoreI was innocently browsing the internet yesterday when I came across the worst news imaginable. Some retard at the head of Disney has announced that from 2016 on we will be seeing a new Star Wars movie EVERY YEAR!
I know what you’re thinking, “Every year? That has to be an exaggeration.” NOPE. After this trilogy they have another trilogy planned. In between trilogy movies they have stand alone movies they are also filming. If you don’t believe that, they’re first stand alone movie comes out in 2016! They have already announced the release of a Star Wars movie in 2016, 2017 and 2018.
Let that sink in.
You will never stop hearing about Star Wars. TILL YOU DIE. Even if life extension becomes real and you’re nine years old reading this right now and you live to be 250, there will still be some asshole in a Darth Vader helmet saying, “I am your father” because by that time it’s been said so many times it’s ironic to say it which makes it funny again! SEE! SEE HOW THAT WORKS??? IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS.
Read MoreIn 1993, a movie called “Last Action Hero” was released to the world and a specific aspect of it has always stuck with and intrigued me. I’m not here to argue that this is a great movie(although it is pretty fuckin’ good) or that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the shit and has acted in some of the greatest movies ever made(Twins, Junior, Jingle All The Way). I am here to discuss a golden ticket that gave you entrance into something amazing and it wasn’t into a retarded chocolate factory.
Before J. J. Abrams copyrighted lens flares, before Charles Dance was cutting apart animals on Game of Thrones, and even before Bridgette Wilson-Sampras got old and gave up on life, we were introduced to this(yet another) random Arnie movie. But this time the plot device was a golden ticket, supposedly bestowed with magic by Houdini, that allowed its owner to travel in and out of movies at will. AWESOME! Unfortunately, the owner of this ticket is a runty little brat with no imagination and once it falls into the hands of somebody with a little more creativity, his head explodes. He spoke of bringing a group of famous villains into the world, I’m here to kick it up a notch.
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