I didn't feel like going to Goodwill this week. Take that, Kill Pretty.
I did, however, finally get an iPhone. It's a 4s, let's not get ahead of ourselves, but it is a step in the right direction. Or so I'm told. It's not exactly an old, vintage piece of technology, but all you teeny-bopper Beliebers might say so, since they're on the iPhone 1,476 by now.
Read MoreFuck you, Kill Pretty. Why can’t I sit at home and drink my whiskey in peace?
I’m headed to the Goodwill in downtown because I think, “Fuck it. Today is just as good as any other to die,” and on my way I see an American Apparel billboard ad.
I don’t see why everyone talks so much shit on these ads. They’re like public porn appealing to the modern day pervert. In the masses. It’s great. Those giant billboards—aside from being the culprit to many a car accident—give the homeless something to jerk off to.
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So Kill Pretty had this horrible idea of assigning me to a tech review column. When I told them I knew shit about technology—which they should’ve gathered, since Nacho had to explain to me in full detail, as if I were an intoxicated infant, how exactly Twitter worked—they came up with this idea of me reviewing vintage electronic equipment. So this is my initiation.
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