One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Lorde – Melodrama

I heard that Lorde made a record executive eat a live rat before she would sign her contract. Cool.

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit – The Nashville Sound

A rare entry in the “sad songs for adult men” genre; just kidding, that’s 99% of modern music.

Fleet Foxes – Crack-Up

The sound of 10 Grateful Dead albums being played at once.

Big Boi – BOOMIVERSE

Big Boi’s best work may be behind him, but he’s still rapping about Waffle House so what are you complaining about?

Portugal. The Man – Woodstock

So this is who’s been making music for Forever 21.

Beth Ditto – Fake Sugar

This just goes to show that no matter how punk you are eventually your music is going to sound like something from a yogurt commercial.

Palehound – A Place I’ll Always Go

The worst thing that ever happened to music was millennial white guys discovering Pavement.

Future - Future

Future has way too much time on his hands. Does he really think that his audience can relate to an entire song about buying watches? Because we can’t.

The Japanese House - Saw You In A Dream

You’d think I would regret making that wish about all music sounding like early 80s Fleetwood Mac, but I don’t.

Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

Vince Staples is right, what 2017 needs is more hip hop for people who don’t like hip hop.

Vérité - Somewhere In Between

Somber, empowering pop for gals who don’t feel like listening to literally every other record released in the last five years.

Poolside - Heat

An answer to the question, “what would it sound like if The Beegees were early 90s hackers?”

LANY - LANY

Oh no, someone found all of your high school poetry and turned it into a chill wave album.