Napalm: A Tutorial by Jon Benito

I was hanging out at SUNY Purchase, as I often did, sitting around with friends drinking and smoking.  It was just another boring night on campus.  Being in an art school, secluded in the middle of the woods can get surprisingly stale.  I’m not entirely sure how the topic came up.  We might have been talking about ways of extracting LSA, a compound similar to LSD, from morning glory seeds.  Regardless, the anarchist cookbook came up.  I relayed the recipe for napalm; equal parts orange juice concentrate to gasoline.  No one believed me so of course, we quickly packed into a car and were on our way to get some juice and gas… and more beer.  Slowly we began mixing the two ingredients in a plastic container.  We used plastic because I thought anything that may conduct static electricity might act as an igniter.  Out of fear for what the acidity might do as well, we delicately stirred the two ingredients until we were relatively happy with the visual presentation of both contents.

After a couple of bong rips, and a sniff of Adderall, we were outside the great lawn.  For those who haven’t been on the SUNY Purchase campus, which is what the movie PCU is based on, the great lawn is just a big patch of grass located in the middle of the dorms.  My boyfriend at the time began pouring the contents into a barbecue and I quickly lit it with a match.  The outcome was beyond what was expected.  The beautiful liquid fire stirred around, until eventually, we noticed the metal basin of the barbecue starting to glow.  The contents began to leak from the bottom, since apparently napalm gets so hot that it can burn through metal.  Certainly a surprise to us all.  Panicking, Mikey took off his shoe and threw it where the hole was to try and stop anything else from pouring out.  Obviously, the sneaker just melted.  We saw a long line of fire slowly snaking its way downhill into the basin of the great lawn.  Knowing that we have made one of the largest mistakes of our lives, we quickly ran straight to my room, hiding, and hoping no one saw us.  We knew we were done for, so we finished our party pack and cuddled in bed, waiting for that impending knock on the door.  The next morning we woke up feeling like Charlie Sheen after a month in rehab.  Crawling our way to the dining hall for what we could stomach as breakfast, and delightfully found that no one said a damn thing to either one of us.  At that point we knew we were in the clear! So there you have it… Now you know how to make napalm.  Safety note for liability purposes: Please don’t try this it’s incredibly dangerous.

Addendum: I have since looked up the recipe again in the Anarchist Cookbook, and the recipes listed there have nothing in common to the one I apparently made up.  So, I suppose this is another recipe to add to the list.